Caretakers, This One Is For You

to the ones by our side

The thing about having an illness (among the many things), is that the day to day continues to spin the way it did before you were sick. For most, there continues to be dishes that need cleaning, laundry that needs done, dogs or children that need attention. There continues to be birthdays for loved ones, holidays, or preplanned vacations. And of course within those things, there is gratitude. You hold tight to the memories that come with those; maybe even more than you did before.

But the reality is that you are also just a person with an illness. The ability to stay steady in your regular routine pre-sickness is not feasible. And I won’t lie, it’s one of the hardest parts about my cancer. My ability to be who I once was is stripped away more and more as I move through treatments. Surgeries quite literally take you out for weeks at a time. Your ability to do something as small as showering or getting a glass of water on your own, no longer. And even when the body heals and you begin to feel a little more like yourself, the mental battle takes over. You are in a constant state of worry or anticipation of the next treatment needed. The need to make medical decisions lingers in the back of your head. You attempt to stay present, knowing now more than ever how important it is but the mind struggles.

And as these things pop up, you come to realize the importance of caring for yourself outside of the medical industry. You work to eat better, add in mental health supports and exercise when your body allows. You begin to add in more than take away from your day to day and something becomes vividly clear:

You need support. And a lot of it.

The ability to express how I feel to the ones around me, supporting me each and every day will never feel like enough but I will do my best to say some of it here, in writing.

Dear Caretakers,

There are a lot of times in my life that ‘Thank you’ doesn’t cover it. Right here, right now is one of those times. Your ability to care for me, in the largest of ways such as writing me an encouraging text, showing up at my house to give me a hug or hold my hand as tears stream down my face is nothing short of pure love.

For you to stay present with me in the throes of hardship, regardless of your own struggles is something I do not take for granted. Your decision to love me through the act of making food, ensuring that it is one less thing to spend mental space on, is appreciated more than you may realize. I am acutely aware that the things you are doing take up energy, time, money, mental capacity and emotional space.

And I know most of you will say ‘it’s nothing’ or ‘of course’ as I have heard countless times, but I want you to know that this part of you that provides for another person in a time of need, is beautiful and selfless. It pushes me to see the brighter side to all of this, it provides me an ability to hold such gratitude for all that I do have and it reminds me that our real purpose here is to love one another.

I love each and every one of you.

Best,

The ones in need of care

P.S.

To my husband,

I don’t know what I did to deserve your care and love but it floors me each and every day.

Because when I'm in a room with you
That missing piece is found
You know when you're by my side, darling
Nothing can bring us down

XO